ASC Pt. III

I don't know where I am, but it feels like the world is moving a lot faster than I am.

My niece, who, if you've known me for about two seconds would know, is the light of my life... but something that feels odd to me is the fact that I often don't remember she's alive... let me explain.

A few years ago, when everything went to shit and everything kind of imploded on me, my niece wasn't born yet. And the moment that I turned myself off, when I decided to numb myself and stop feeling pain and not deal with the problem, my life completely froze. I sometimes think I'm still 22. I still see myself living in my old house. I still see her and I being in love sometimes. I still see things the way they used to be because since the end happened, I haven't really been able to proceed.

I'm kind of going on and it doesn't feel like it's making sense... I want it to go on, but I can't... like my life feels stuck and I need a nudge in the right direction or any direction...

I guess it's too late...