ASC Pt. III

I have class in 8 hours and I have to get up in like six, but I don't feel like sleeping.

I have been bogged down with work and reading and papers and all the bullshit that involves school and I just feel horrible. Just horrible. I mean, I look at what I'm doing and I know, I know that everything I write and read and learn about does not affect me really. I will not use most of the knowledge they throw out at me anywhere. If I become a teacher, I won't teach any of my kids most of this crap... and really, I've learned only one thing in University and that knowledge is best aquired when you love it. The fact is, they don't teach me anything. They kind of know things, then they try to tell you about it, then you have to re-tell them what they just told you so that they can give you a good mark and they'll think you're brilliant for telling them what they already knew... bullshit.

But that's not the worst part... my days are long and meaningless and I get through them. I do most of my work and stuff but then I get home. I get home and I sit here. I lock myself in my room, see who's on MSN or AIM or Yahoo... I ignore my brother as he's dying for attention. But for the most part, I really feel alone. I haven't had a night out in so long. A night where things clicked and made sense... actually, I had one of those last week. Sadly, those smiles seem so long ago, but run vividly in my mind.

I just don't know... I just want this year to end. I just want to get my degree. I want to get out of school for awhile. I want to clear my head. The last five years have just filled my head with information that I really wish I didn't know. I'm sick of english teachers critiquing novels when they couldn't even string three words together on their own. I'm sick of TA's telling me about the brilliance of certain works when they are more in love with the process than the content. And I'm sick of the people I have to deal with on a daily basis who are seeing (or pretending to see) what the Profs and TAs are talking about... because I believe that the focus of the novel has been completely shifted towards something completely detached from the story, from the plot, and the art itself of good writting.

I'm tired and I want to listen to some opera.