ASC Pt. III

I need to stop blindly trusting people because in the end I'm always the one who gets hurt... it will be me who suffers for other people's problems. I suppose I have to retreat even farther to myself because I just don't know who I can trust... who's lying? Who like me? What anyone's agenda is?

Trust is such an awkward thing... when I first had sex, I thought about how much I trusted this girl. I didn't get burned by her, I didn't get a disease or a rash or anything like that... the trust was right with her. WE were open... even how bad things actually were, we were completely open about things. This may sound like it's just about sex, but it's a lot more... it's about everything. My body and my emotions and my sense of self are completely opposite and one and trust, real trust, is something that I don't know if I can do with anyone again... it will take time, it will take truth and it will take physicality... and all three of those things, I do not even have in myself.

I was just talking to some girl in my class about her "promise" ring... and then I told her that I was engaged... I was actually engaged, huh?