ASC Pt. III

What am I doing? It seems like I just keep putting off "adulthood". My brother just lost his job and it seems like he's putting off being a grown-up too.

I don't want to live like this, but I'm scared that the next step is just me being alone for the rest of my life without a single thing to live for... no love, no wife, no kids, sitting at home alone on friday nights jacking off to highspeed broadband porn. Is that my future?

I know I need to take a step, but I'm scared that it might be in the wrong direction.

Fuck I need a hug.

I don't think she loves me anymore... and I guess that's fine. It's just so odd to fall out of touch with the one person who ever understood you. Even worse, it's odd to be so hidden away from the one you've always wanted. I can't open up the same way I used to and it just hurts. Sadly, I'm pretty sure she does the same thing. She doesn't want me into her as deeply as I once was, but we don't want to let the other down no matter what.

I hate Diet Pepis Jazz.

There are times I think where I'd be better off just leaving here and never coming back.

Do you think it's weird that most people go to school to get a certain job, they get that job, and then end up quitting or getting fired? The average person goes through 6 occupations I believe, so I guess your first one, you shouldn't really care about it at all.

Same goes with marriage... most people end up getting divorced, so your first marriage or really serious relationship, I guess you shouldn't really take it so seriously because you know it's most likely going to end badly.

I should be happy that Anna and I didn't work out because it makes the odds of the next relationship lasting a lot better.

It's hard to be deep or say important things to someone because it seems like the people you end up spending the most time with, you usually end up talking about nothing most of the time because when you talk about the deeper stuff you end up getting annoyed with the person. I'm not saying that's completely true... maybe there is something or someone out there that the heavier things can be said to. Or maybe people were only meant to love in doses.

Rachel Blanchard looks a lot better as a red head.

The concept of love was invented by Jane Austen... I think. Romantic love that is. It's a man made emotion, but that doesn't mean it isn't real.

I haven't had sex in about 4 years. I'd love to break that streak... this cold, cold, cold blue streak.

I have really big feet. Size 12s and I'm only five foot nine... and in low cut shoes they look even bigger.

I like wearing Dickies. I don't know what it is about them that I love so much. Work pants... they're just so thick and warm and it's a great way to break the cold of Canada.

I can't wait until snow comes again.

I need money.

I need to get away.

I need to finish my work.

I need to graudate.

I'm so scared to graduate. I always thought that something better would happen for me before that happens and right now it looks like I'm bound to graduate, get a job, and live a sad, lonely life.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Looking to write some music soon... I don't want to lose that part of me.