ASC Pt. III

I haven't felt still in the longest time. I'm jumping from place to place, but at the same time it feels like I'm not moving at all... or maybe I'm moving at such an ultra fast motion that everything just seems slowed down and I'm aware of everything is going to move or land or fall... bullet time, almost.

Tomorrow's wednesday and that means I wake up at 6 for my 8:30 class. I have far too much work to go to class... but I think I'm going to go. Putting off your work so you can go to class doesn't seem all that bad, right?

There are times in my life when I just want to sleep and I totally cannot wait for thursday... even though I have a paper due on Friday, I'm sure I'm going to sleep in on thursday. My cousin wants to go out for sushi and as of right now, I'm saying yes... but I think once the day comes, I'm going to say no.

I'm writing about the pastoral and the idea that the pastoral is the perfect, untouched, golden age and in order for it to exist it must have a great fall. It's like Adam & Eve. They lived in a happy perfect garden of eden only for it to all end when they ate from the apple. Me, I look at my life and it was the moment that I told my parents about Anna. Up until that point, for me and our relationship (me and hers) my life was still perfect, my life was still pure, my life was still hopeful and innocent and good. Ever since I told me parents, it all fell to shit. I suppose that things were great when she and I were just a couple... a couple of people that loved and cared about each other... but once we let the world in on everything, they broke us apart.

I'm also reading Marvel... Damon the Mower... it's great. I saw a lot of myself in the poems and I think I might write about that on my paper. Essentially, love is our demise because once you realize that it isn't as great as you thought it might be, your life and all of your hopes get thrown out the window. That's the theory of course, a theory I would not like to put into practice. The eternal underlying optimist still thinks that he might fall in love... that's me.

I've thought about making this journal public, but I don't think it's worth it... and I like the few people that read this. There's always good feedback when it actually comes up.