ASC Pt. III

My brother woke me up to the sound of Cochese by Audioslave today and I thought I'd pay my bills...

I'm down to my last $100 dollars in the bank. That's pretty sad and scary for me to think about. I'm thinking I should take a bigger loan out from the bank. I already have a $5000 loan, but that's just barely enough to cover my tuition if even enough to cover my tuition. I don't want to ask my parents for more money. I hate asking them for anything really. I don't want to owe them anything. I don't want to do that. My parents and I have a really bad relationship. In a lot of ways it's gotten better over the years, but I think that's more in their eyes. Me, I still don't like them, don't respect them, and I hope to completely have them out of my life sometime soon. They just aren't good people. They've broken me so much over the years and they've made me so shy and awkward and imcapable of love and sad and frustrated and confused and broken... The saddest part is, I can honestly say that I don't love them.

Wow... I wasn't expecting to write that so early in the morning.

What else is there to say? I need a better job... part of me wants a new job, but another part of me just wants to take this year and go to school without any distractions so my one shift a week won't feel so bad. That sounds about right to me.

And finally... Nicole is still running through my head. Am I an idiot? I mean, if this were just a stupid crush, wouldn't this have worn off by now? I was in Guelph all Saturday and I just expected to see her around there. Even if she would have been there with her boyfriend, I wouldn't have cared. I just want to see her. God... obsess much?

I don't feel like going to class today. It's the second week of class and I already plan on skipping? Sigh... how lazy am I? It really proves my point that students really take advantage of mondays and skip, then tuesdays are really packed days because people force themselves to go so they don't miss two days in a row... just my theory.

I feel like I've put a wall up in my journal writing. Am I writing anything of importance anymore? Interest? Humor? Personal? I wonder there are anymore emotions floating through my veins.